~i'm short on time~

i'm short on time. fuckin' depressed!

Shit, that all I can say. I already received the repercussion from not doing a decision based on my own. I’m stressed with my work even though there’s no tough job so far. But, the dull environment making me sick. I don’t know how to decide now. I’m in dilemma. If I’m quit, I don’t know what to do. Even there is something I can do but my family will think otherwise. Should I follow my heart or agonizing myself by following their decision?. Ya Allah, please help me. Show me some light in this hallway. Because, I can’t see the end of the tunnel. The worst thing is, there’s also no light at the beginning. I feel like I’m in the wrong channel in the tv show. I always do a peculiar thing to overcome this feeling, sitting in the toilet; play game to have a winning feeling; writing this entire nonsense story and so on and so forth.Decision, decision…

What should I do? Of course my parents against my decision. They put much hope on me. But, unfortunately their youngest child wanted to resign early. I also can’t help myself. I have no feeling towards this job anymore. Who should I blame? Myself for not being tough or my poor decision earlier? I don’t know. Things become too complicated now. If I follow my parents’ decision, I die. If I follow my decision, they gonna be a very sad parents on earth. But I’m the one who suffer. Wait! Is it because I have no confident? Well, I do think so. But the problem is, inside, I don’t want to admit. I’m such a discreet wimp. Help me please. My love gone. She don’t know what happen to me. If she does, she gonna get mad too. She might say I’m stupid for letting this once in a lifetime opportunity. But back to the basic, no one knows what happen to me. Should I take a risk? I’m confident I can get a new job soon after I resign. But that is only my feeling or should I say a vague hope. I want to go back to customer service. I applied for tourism and I hope I will get that job. I think I love meeting people. So I should find a job that related to it. I like things that keep on changing everyday. I don’t like to write a letter, in the office for the whole day. Having boss that has no fun. I’m going to become a runaway executive soon…hehe. But maybe this is just a beginning…who knows?
Time stop tickin’ but everything faster